Truly dope women don’t chase men – ever!

All my single ladies!! (And my 2 shit starters - Brian and Jason! lol)

It’s 8:45 on a Saturday morning - and yes, I should still be asleep – but ya girl is feeling inspired (thanks Randi for the nudge!) to share a recent revelation with you. A while back I wrote a note entitled “Fried Chicken and A Warm Bosom for a Good and Single Man’s Soul”. In the comment section of this blog I stated that “truly dope women don’t chase men – ever”. Of course Tasha (who else? Lol) disagreed with me, and we eventually resolved that truly dope women do chase men - sometimes - even if it just means misinterpreting his b.s. excuses.

You know what I just figured out?!? THAT IS WRONG!! Truly dope women should not chase men – EVER…and leave it to ya girl to break it all down and tell you why.

Have you ever read that book He’s Just Not That Into You? If you haven’t you need to google that shit and get your hands on every free passage of the book you can siphon from the internet (or just go out to a bookstore and buy it – but who does that anymore?). The authors have one major thesis: the sexual revolution was a wonderful thing, but no one woman can reverse one million years of evolution – meaning we can not change the innate nature of men.

As a future veterinarian and a scientist, of course I have to draw an example from my knowledge base! But this is an analogy I at least know my Saul, PSU, and Penn friends will understand (which is damn near all of y’all):

A snake is intrinsically a predator, a polygenically inherited trait. For whatever reason nature “engineered” them that way. I don’t know why (sorry, scientists don’t focus on the whys), but it is what it is. Conversely, a mouse is prey, an unfortunate multifactorial characteristic of the species. Sucks for the mouse, but eh, what are you gonna do? That’s the circle of life. So what happens when you present to a literally starving snake (an innate hunter) a gift-wrapped mus musculus sandwich? For those of you who don’t know – and you can fact check me on this – A SNAKE WILL ALMOST ALWAYS STARVE TO DEATH RATHER THAN EAT THE FOOD YOU SUPPLY FOR HIM ON A PLATE. So how do we get the starving snakes to eat? We usually play tricks on their minds, allowing them to get the thrill of a chase and capture, even though we know the truth is that dinner was brought to them on a silver platter (more on that later).

So I guess by now you can see where I’m going with this. Chasing a man is almost always counterproductive. Men are the snakes. We are the mice. Picture for just one moment a mouse chasing a snake. Pretty stupid, huh? Even if the mouse catches the snake, is that at all satisfying for the mouse? Doubt it. What’s more, the snake is probably thinking “there is no way I’m gonna eat this mouse, it must have some kind of damn prion disease”!

Now fortunately, human beings are slightly more complicated than snakes and mice, but unfortunately, that does not mean nature doesn’t apply to us. I know - It’s tempting to disagree with me right now, because as strong, powerful, motivated, and independent women, you want to believe that you can work to achieve anything you want for your life. And you can. But chasing a man is not the way. It is completely counterproductive. Think about it for just one minute. Think about all the people you know in successful relationships, and ask yourself, who did the chasing? Was he the initiator, or was she? Seriously, I have racked my brains, and I can’t think of one married or long-term couple that I know that shares a relationship that the woman initiated. The shit ain’t natural. Furthermore, consider all of the guys who you have made it easy for over the years (you know, the way guys SAY they want it). How many of these attempts at reversing the natural order of the universe have actually been fruitful for you? Lemme guess – none right? I know. Moreover, how many of these attempts have been painful for you? Yeah…It sucks to be a prey species. But alas, there is hope! Again, allow ya girl to break it down for you so that it can forever and consistently be broke (yes, I just got finished watching Love Jones).

1) If he ain’t calling – put down that damn phone! Don’t you dare call him. That is completely counterproductive. A phone call from you will only turn him off – whether consciously or subconsciously. Maybe he will call when he is ready, but you calling him is like putting the koochie (the mouse) on a plate for him, the d!ck (aka the snake). *LMAO in my head right now – this analogy has gone too far*. For real. Maybe there is a spark there, maybe not. But you can’t do anything about it, so why worry? Hakuna Matata.

2) Stop worrying about how he is going to react to what you say and do. Be mean, damn it!! Think about it. How many men have you told to “GO AWAY” on SEVERAL occasions, and they just keep chasing you? Yeah…for me, the answer is TNTC! Why do men do that? Probably because rejection makes the chase more interesting for them. So why do we make it so easy for the ones that we WANT to chase us? I don’t know y’all, maybe we need to start offering their asses a little rejection too. Can’t go wrong with this, because if it’s meant to be it’ll be. And if a man truly wants you, a freight train couldn’t stop his ass!

3) Here’s the part we can control (alas, the hope part :) ). We can put ourselves in situations more often where we more are likely to be spotted by a predator. Most predators are nocturnal, so this means more late night foraging for drinks/food/dessert/laughs with our girls, and most importantly, with ourselves!! – Not to digress, but really, there is some truth to this “natural order” thing. Prey species are generally gregarious, e.g. – WOMEN! LOL. And a predator’s main thrill in life is to separate his prey from the pack, conquer it, and devour it, e.g. – MEN! (Yes, I'm geeking off my own analogy. Ah…but I digress) – Anywho, as we all know, this is the truly fun part of being a woman – getting all prissied up to go laugh in the faces of wack dudes who try to holla at us. Ladies, this we need to do more often!

4) Something else we can control – let the wack dudes chase you a little bit. It’ll make you feel good. At least you won’t be sitting at home drinking white zinfandel and playing guitar hero (or maybe that’s just me, lol). Besides, you never know who might end up impressing you and becoming THE ONE.

So with that said, I am going to get off my ass and start to enjoy being single again! Life is good. Better get it in before I have smelly socks to pick up off the floor and a toilet seat that won’t seem to stay down! Besides...I think I heard somebody say something about shopping!

Peace,
Ya girl

P.S. Two more things I just gotta add:

1) It must be hella complicated to be a lesbian.
2) India.Aire’s “This Too Shall Pass” is a beautiful song. I cried like a baby when I first heard it - snotty nose and all. You should check it out!