Sunday, April 5, 2009

He Thinks, She Thinks

She thinks she deserves a phone call. He thinks he’ll call her when he has something to say.

He thinks you two are just “kickin’ it”. She thinks it’s time for an official label.

She thinks the sex was about two bodies becoming one. He thinks you were both just enjoying some sexual gratification.

He thinks when he says it’s over, it’s over. She thinks he’s only saying it’s over because he loves me.

It’s obvious. Men and women are pre-programmed to think differently. As people, we must strive to modify our innate thinking patterns in order to become the best we can be.

Men think logically, that’s a good thing.

You’ve heard it said: women tend to think emotionally first, then logically, while men think logically first, then emotionally. So who is most likely to get hurt in relationships? Women of course! We tend to allow our emotional investment to precede logic and reason. Why would you become so emotionally invested in someone who’s just “kicking it” with you? Men generally don’t do that – the reason they tend to emerge from relationships virtually unscathed, leaving the woman to wonder how he could just turn and become “so cold”. Ever consider that he didn’t turn and become cold? Maybe he was never even warm. Why? Because he thought with his logical mind, and logically it makes no sense to get all emotional about someone with whom you have zero commitment. When we step back and reanalyze our circumstances with our logical minds, we frequently discover that our thought patterns were irrational and delusional; our reactions appear unreasonable and hyper-emotional. Unfortunately, by the time we get to this point, it’s too late. We have already shed a number of unnecessary tears, bargained beyond the point of self-respect, and damaged the friendship we’ve established with “that dude” through our toxic words and actions - which he indubitably perceives as pure ridiculosity and foolishness. So as women, how do we overcome this? First, we must accept that as women, we are delusional and hyper-emotional by nature (acceptance is the first step to recovery!). Realizing that our visceral responses are frequently based on emotional thought processes, we have to find a way to pump the brakes and give our logical minds an opportunity to take over. I often joke around and say, “the number one rule in relationships: shut the f*ck up.” In order for that to make sense, I really should expound upon that idea. What I really mean is FIRST shut up, THEN think logically about what has happened, try to see things from both perspectives, determine the true value of the relationship to you, and tailor your response accordingly. Men lack the necessary machinery to process emotional complexities. When women express their grievances with emotion, men frequently have difficulty interpreting that language, consequently become perplexed and bewildered (which they hate), and thus reason that the woman is “crazy”, thereby taking the easy way out. We’ve all been there, right? Don’t you agree that things usually turn out better when you’ve repressed your swell of emotion, and given yourself some time to think about it first?

Women think emotionally, that’s a good thing.
So by now I’m sure men are getting a good laugh, thinking “I knew it, all bitches are crazy.” Slow down homie. You love it that we’re crazy. Let me tell you why. We are the nurturers, the nourishers, the child bearers. We have been blessed with infinite powers, women’s intuition, and foresight beyond your wildest dreams. Moreover, we possess that thing between our legs which can drive you “crazy”, and thus plays a crucial role in helping the world go ‘round. You’ve accepted it a long time ago - there is no love like a woman’s love, there is no compassion like that which a mother offers, and there is nothing you would rather do at the end of a long day than be completely enveloped in the warmth of a woman’s adoration. What make a woman’s love so special? The kind of love you don’t ever see yourself as being capable of giving? She thinks emotionally first. Even though logically, self-preservation dictates she put her own needs above yours, she still considers you first. So you see, she isn’t crazy - just mystified by your propensity to fail to appreciate her despite all the consideration she has made for you. Still she suffers herself to you - frequently in silence - until the day comes when she can no longer stand what she perceives as use and abuse. She begins to think logically about what is happening. She begins to compute what you have given her and subtract what she has given you, and the math just doesn’t add up. So she walks away, leaving you confused, because you thought everything was “cool”. It amazes me the number of times in my life a man has confessed affection for me that I had no idea he harbored – especially AFTER I’ve told him “I’m done.” Many times, it’s too late for him to make it right (because by the time I’ve said “I’m done” I had probably already moved on to somebody else! lol). The window had been closed, all because he failed to interpret my actions using his emotional mind, i.e. he thought logically about everything. For example, he thinks because he always pays the bill when we go out to dinner that means he’s taking care of me; yet he forgets about all the love and energy that went into those meals I prepared for us at home. He thinks I didn't care that he came home at 5am because I didn’t complain; he fails to realize that I didn’t complain because I DO care. He thinks that Valentine’s Day is a stupid reason to buy me a gift; but he doesn’t see that his refusal to display his affection regardless of the reason is what’s really hurting me. Sometimes fellas, you just don’t understand how much it hurts when you do things that we as women typically identify as STUPID. We reason that men don’t call, or say thank you, or say I love you, or buy a $5 box of chocolates on v-day, or show that they care until it’s too late is because they are stupid. And you think it’s stupid that women think all men are stupid. The truth is, y’all are stupid! You just have to think with your emotional mind to be capable of seeing it :)

Disclaimer: Of course I recognize that all men and women are not the same, and there are some men who are more emotional than women, blah blah blah. Note the use of words such as "tend" and "generally" in this note, and please refrain from starting arguments about assumptions and stereotypes in the comment section - please!?! THANKS!