Thursday, December 27, 2012


Let’s assume for a second you exist in this country with the same inalienable rights as the rest of us. If you’re reading this, I assume you’re not a 5-year old child scavenging for food in Bangladesh. I assume you have access to clean running water, medicine, and internets.

Fulfilled all those criteria? Awesome. Unhappy? Brace yourself –


Lately, I’m noticing a trend whereby many of us (myself included) bemoan a life of unhappiness while simultaneously making little to no effort to change it. Ironically, the people in the best positions to change their own lives seem to complain the most about the unwillingness of, or lack of enthusiasm in other people to change it for them.

Who died and made the rest of us responsible for your inner glow?

Now let’s be clear, I definitely recognize depression as a clinical illness. But many of us aren’t clinically depressed. We’re just in a shitty situation that we’d rather not be in - and instead of just accepting the choice we’ve made when we choose to stay, or making the alternative choice to leave, we’d rather bitch, cry, and moan about how someone else could’ve fluffed the pillows nicer on the bed we chose to lie in.

I haven’t live very long, but this one thing I know – happiness can’t be found. Kind of like Dorothy looking for home in the Wizard of Oz. Home is within. Happiness is within.

Sometimes, you just gotta stop trying to be happy and just be.

And sometimes, YOU have to decide to change your unhappy situation for YOURSELF.

Happiness sprouts the moment you decide you ain’t taking it no more and walk out of that life-sucking relationship.

Happiness blooms the second you arrive at your wits end and vow to quit that dead-end stress-filled job.

Happiness blossoms when you make a decision to accept the choices in life you’ve made, count your blessings, and LIVE ON.

And when happiness is seeded into our lives, we must also accept that is our responsibility to cultivate and nourish it. Some of us have got to stop scurrying around like life is one big ass sale and we’re mad at the saleslady because the two-for-one tank tops are sold out. Some of us need to just start realizing that we haven’t made a sufficient effort to keep our own selves happy. *looks in the mirror*

So, here’s to owning our emotions! *sips honey Jack*
And here’s to not waiting for 2013 to do so! *takes another swig*

Happy Kwanzaa! And Happy New Year!

Blonde Hair, Don't Care


If I catch one more skillet-fried, black-as-me, chocolate black woman tryna pull off silky blonde hair, imma snatch her by her wig and slam her face against a beauty salon window.

Violence? Yes, VIOLENCE. EARLY. Look ma, that look ain’t for you. IT’S NOT FOR YOU!!! Trust me, you look ridiculous with those goldie-locks. I can assure you no one’s fooled into thinking that’s your natural hair color. What’s more, it just doesn’t look good. Leave blonde to the Mary J. Blige’s and T-Boz’s of the world. It was never meant for the Naomi Campbell’s and India.Aire’s.

Don’t believe me? I can prove it to you. Watch this.

This is Naomi Campbell.

This is Naomi Campbell on blonde.

Any questions?

But, for serious. Bright hair distracts from a dark-skinned woman’s main attraction: her skin.One undeniably awesome feature of blue-black skin is glow. No blemishes. All that melanin blocking out the UV rays makes for softer, supple, strokable, wrinkle-free skin that stands the test of time. You’re obliterating your natural radiance with that mop of straw you’ve slapped up there. And why? That’s like putting vanilla icing on a chocolate cake. I mean… it can be done, and of course it’ll do in a crunch. But if given a choice, who’d wanna ruin the chocolate experience with pasty white goo? I mean… If you’re gonna have some chocolate cake, have some chocolate icing on it for the love of Jehovah.

*sigh* Ok. This blog’s gone too far. Rant complete.

I don’t know why it especially turds my soup to see dark-skinned girls making bone-head beauty moves. Maybe I should blog more about it - somebody’s gotta tell these girls about the perils of tangerine gloss over purple lips. Perhaps a little more delicately next time? I dunno…*shrug*

Ahl holla.