I don’t know why I am so annoyed by his text messages. I suppose now that I’m pushing 30, my patience for nonsense has grown extremely short. Actually, it grew short in 2008, but in 2009 I’ve begun to accept it. Anywho, now that I’ve subtracted my emotional involvement from certain “situations”, and have suffered the profound duty of breaking two hearts 10 days into the new year, I feel obligated to offer a word to all my single “good men” out there. I just had to tell you how stupid you act when it comes to good women.
First of all, you should realize that we don’t come a dime a dozen. We’re not on every street corner, you can’t find us at every random bar, and we don’t where our IQs on our shirts like a name tag (despite your desire to have us do so!)…no, we’re rare. You know who I’m talking about? That pretty, sexy, smart, cool, funny, driven, independent woman with her own shit, who turns you on mentally, physically, emotionally, and can hook up some fried chicken like nobody’s business (or steak - whatever floats your boat). When she smiles she lights your internal fire, she is just the kind of woman you would want to have your back if you ever needed her to, and when she advances on you sexually - you lose your damn mind. I know you know who I’m talking about – you’ve chased her. But you didn’t catch her. And you said to yourself: I spent my dough, I respected her, I put myself out there, I took care of her “needs”…where did I go wrong? Well, leave it to Trina to tell you where you went wrong.
But first, let me let you in on a little secret. Women are much simpler than you think. If we’re not attracted to you or interested in you, we’re probably not even going to exchange numbers. If we think our girlfriends will tease us for going out with you, we damn sure won’t be seen with you in public. So if the girl that I described above (you know that one that you were chasing and didn’t catch) let you chase her, most likely she was willing to be down with you at some point, at least on some level. Yet, you weren’t able to seal the deal. What went wrong?
Well, for starters, your ego probably got in the way. You got so used to being chased by bum bitches, you forgot that good women actually need to be COURTED. Let me be clear about this, though. I am certainly not advocating that you spend your bread on every chick – only the dope ones. My advice is that you keep all of your first dates cheap and simple, such as meeting for coffee or ice cream (and yes, you have to pay). Once you’ve established that this girl is different, special, and a good woman – PLAN A SECOND DATE. This doesn’t mean call her in three weeks to see if she wants to grab some chicken wings at the last minute. No, it means ask her about her schedule and tell her yours, and then set up a time to meet again (a week or two after the first date is good). This will let her know that you want to see her. Don’t have her wondering where things stand between the two of you. Don’t cause her to lose interest in you. I’ll let you in on another secret: what usually goes through the mind of a good woman when she doesn’t hear from the guy she likes or isn’t sure how he feels about her is something like - ‘to hell with him, if he doesn’t recognize my worth, than he’s stupid and I don’t want to be with somebody stupid anyway’. If she’s truly dope, another dude will probably call shortly after she makes this proclamation, which in her mind only reinforces her sentiment. Let me let you in on a third secret: it’s difficult for a woman to be in to more than one dude at one time. Spreading it around is just not in our nature. So it is your job to stay on top – to remain the ONE guy that she truly likes. Good women have egos too. If she thinks for one second that the ONE guy doesn’t feel the same way about her as she does about him, she’s going to make room for intruders – which inevitably means you won’t be the ONE guy anymore.
So how do you make sure this doesn’t happen? Simple - COMMUNICATION. If she’s into you, and she’s floating on air after being with you, you can keep her there with a simple phone call, or - I hesitate to say it – a text message (nice if you truly don’t have the time, but no where near the same effect as a phone call). Don’t blow her phone up either (try calling every other day and let her responses guide you from there). But in my experience it’s usually the other way around. Guys are so self-conscience about becoming a bugaboo, that they play the girl to the left and just wait for her to call him - big mistake. It doesn’t let her know how you feel, and it only makes room for intruders (remember, if you’re chasing her, chances are MANY other guys are too). If she’s in to you, no other man will exist to her if you just maintain the communication. Let me put this into some terms you can comprehend. Dating is your offense, communication is your defense. Offense sells tickets, defense wins championships. You can take her on the greatest dates in the world, and yes, she will continue to go out on dates with you (i.e. buy tickets). However, if you don’t play some defense, I guarantee you another guy will slide in there and score while you’re on the sideline – especially if she’s dope. The ironic thing about this is that you will probably have made her more aloof (a defense mechanism), and thus more desirable to the intruder. This causes him to pursue her harder, and consequently for her to lose even more interest in you – obviously this is completely counterproductive.
It has been my experience that women are often completely perplexed when a guy spills his heart out to her - mostly because she didn’t see it coming. Not because she’s cruel and insensitive, but because this man (who she probably was into at some point) didn’t call or court her properly, so she moved on, assuming he wasn’t interested. Sorry fellas, I hate to break it to you, but women move on too - particularly the good ones. Sadly, once we do, it is so hard for us to turn it around and have respect for you again, and put you back at the top of our list. But this is where you get you’re feelings hurt: we’ll keep dating you, keep accepting your phone calls, keep giving you the vibe like we want to be with you – you know, stringing you along. Unfortunately, that’s in our nature too (I’m working on it, lol).
So if you’re lucky enough to become a good woman’s priority – STAY HER PRIORITY. Call her. Court her. You don’t have to make her your wifey tomorrow. You don’t have to say “I love you” on the second date (In fact, you don’t have to say anything – just call, she’ll probably do all the talking for you!). If she’s truly a good woman she will actually appreciate you moving the relationship at your own pace. But don’t just leave her in the dark, assuming that she knows how you feel about her. You have to LET HER KNOW how you feel about her – and trust me, when it comes to this, your ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.
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